I had a particularly peculiar feeling the other day, the day that I got the email from the WelshOne about his impending move. Not about him per se, more a feeling that I somehow seem to have missed something.
I felt as if I had nipped out of the party to get some champagne, and by the time I'd got back the boat had sailed without me and there I was, stuck on the shore watching everyone having a good time; doing things that responsible adults should be doing, getting married, buying houses, moving in with their beloveds, having children.
I am now the only single female in my group. In truth, I think I may be the only single person in our group and most of the time I am okay with that, in fact I relish it; especially during the tears and rows and strife that come only between two people who love each other. No thank you very much, I had 5 years of that and am pretty content without it these days.
But this week has also made me realise that indeed it's okay to want to share this life of mine with someone and despite knowing that I am freakishly picky, that if I am going to commit myself to one man he has got to be something phenomenally special, with the ability to make his way through the jumbled obstacle course to my heart, it doesn't stop me feeling like somehow I seem to have missed something, while I was off to the off licence to get that bottle, those around me seemed to be making radical decisions, developing relationships that meant something and while I was the last to leave the party, tipsy and dazed with another unsuitable candidate, they had left with something more tangible. Had moved on from the party, made homes and engagements. Got to the boat on time and moved on.
Single men seem to be few and far between, Nurse K even jokingly emailed me saying that, like me, she always checks the left hand for a ring these days. Gone are the days we looked at eyes, legs, mouths, and er... that pert, apple cheek ass.
It's all about the ring finger these days. And even if that man is not attractive, if he appears to be single - well, that man's stock goes up ten fold.
Sad.
But true.
Friday, April 15, 2005
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2 comments:
listen sister, quite being so tuff on yourself. enjoy the adventure of making friends and discovering who you are. Before you know it, probably without you knowing it ,(if you'd stop worring bout so much) you will realize that a particulatre friend standing right beside you is the one with the magic.
Bro.
we'll talk alot more when my exam is done and I can start fooling around again.
Cheers.
I understand the feeling but you're right to relish it. I'd rather be lonely than with someone who made me wish I was lonely. And you have friends. Friends are better than lovers.
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