Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Memememmememememememmememememmeeeee...

Because I have the worst case of writer's block, I have been very sad, I am working stupid overtime at the moment and have been neglectful of you lovely people, I have decided to cheat a little and have stolen this little meme from Chloe...

ARE YOU:
1. A Cuddler? I used to be, I'm getting there... although I love cuddling when I am hungover.
2. A morning person? There's a reason I live alone...
3. Are you a perfectionist? Occasionally
4. An only child? I'm the youngest
5. Catholic: No. Thankfully. I'm Buddhist
6. In your pajamas? Nope. But soon to be.
7. Currently suffering from a broken heart? Undecided on how leaving London has left me. Perhaps broken hearted a wee bit.
8. Okay styling other people's hair? My god, have you seen the mess on top of my head?
9. Left handed? A wee bit.
10. Addicted to MySpace? I hate it. Hate it. Only back there to see Leonie.
11. Shy around the opposite gender? Depends... *wink*
12. Loud? No comment.

DO YOU:
12. Bite your nails? No
13. Get paranoid at times? Not really, depends on the caffeine intake
14. Currently regret something that you have said/done? I wish I had told some people in my life how much they meant to me sooner. Other than that, not much.
15. Curse frequently when you get mad? Erm, yeeeeeeeeesss... in a variety of languages and tones
16. Enjoy country music? No
17. Enjoy jazz music? Yes
18. Enjoy smoothies? Yep. Esoteric makes the best smoothies ever.
19. Enjoy talking on the phone? No. I hate it. It's why I IM.
20. Have a lot to learn? Of course, don't we all?
21. Have a pet? Not currently, working on it
22. Have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" person? Yes. All the bloody time. It's the reason I'm here. Blogging, I mean. Not literally.
23. Have all your grandparents died? No, me Nan is still around at 93 and still going strong.
24. Have at least one sibling? Yes. The Gorgeous.
25. Have been told that you are smart? Yes. I am very clever. Although sometimes not clever enough.
26. Have had a broken bone? Surprisingly, no. Several twisted ankles though. I fall over alot
27. Have Caller I.D. on your phone? Yes, but my phone is usually buried underneath the chaos in my handbag

HAVE YOU:
28. Changed a diaper? Once or twice. I try to avoid it. Not very good about green poo.
29. Changed a lot over the past year? Yes, of course. Sometimes several times a day, I'm indecisive. (Indeed. Am on a huge path of Human Revolution at the moment, it's exhausting and exciting.)
30. Had friends who have never seen your natural hair color? I AM all natural, I don't know what you are implying.
31. Had surgery? Eye surgery when I was 3. And a little op to remove some pre-cancerous cells a few years ago
32. Killed anyone? Not yet this week, but there's still time.
33. Had your haircut within the last week? I saw my divine Peter last week, he's the longest relationship I have ever had.

LAST PERSON WHO:
1. Slept in the bed beside you? Jake
2. Saw you cry? My therapist, before that probably Lulu, The Gorgeous and Lovely at the airport. Oh, and all those stewardesses and everyone on the plane.
3. Went to the movies with you? I took myself to see "The Devil Wears Prada"
4. You went to the mall with? The Nurse, we bought eyeshadow. Audrey had Tiffany's, I have MAC.
5. You went to dinner with? My parents, I took them to Sanafir tonight.
6. You talked to on the phone? The lovely man at Sanafir, I made reservations
7. Said 'I love you' to you and meant it? My mom.
8. Broke your heart? My Ex. I'm still glueing it back together, but I keep ending up with glue all over the place and gluing my bloody fingers together.
9. Made you laugh? My parents

WOULD YOU RATHER?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? My nose is already pierced. I'd rather get another tattoo
2. Be serious or be funny? Funny. Hilariously funny.
3. Drink whole or skim milk? Ick. Neither.
4. Die in a fire or drown? Um, can I pass on this?
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? My parents, they're hysterical

ABOUT YOU!
1. What time is it? 9:28pm
2. Name? Anonymous Wordsmith (aka LadyMissMarquise)
3. Nickname(s)? My family call me Jewel
4. Where were you born? Calgary
5. What is your birthdate? January 11. Mark it down. Send me presents.
6. What do you want? Happiness. Love. Health. Peace. For me and my family / friends.
7. Where do you want to live? Ideally all over the place, I'd like homes in New York, Paris, London, a cabin by the lake, a little abode on the beach somewhere beautiful...
8. How many kids do you want? I'd like to adopt one, sometime. Maybe. When I'm a little less commitment phobic.

Um, so now you. Your turn... (is it blatantly obvious I am trying to draw this out?!)

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

September

And suddenly it is September, the open windows of my flat betraying the warmth inside.

Jake and I sit on the beach holding hands, the cold September night teasing us with its promise. Smoke from his cigarette curls through his fingers, tapping away at unseen melodies.
Across the way, cars flicker and weave along Kits beach, couples walk slowly by, laughing.

We have time, he says, earlier that evening. Leans over and calms my fidgeting fingers. I cannot help it, my hands move from coaster to glass, straw to coaster and back again, a pattern of shredded paper. I am unsure of my hands tonight, unsure of words and action.

Later when we lay under the moon, I can hear the ocean against his chest. We have time, he says again, smiling, his arms wrapped around me.

There is a moment, early the next morning before the rain starts, before he wakes, still smiling, that regardless of what the next heartbeat, the next minute, the next day will bring, I am no longer afraid of falling.

I am happy.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

"Have you thought of harming yourself in the last few weeks?"
The lady's voice on the other end of the phone is calm, reassuring.

No, I repeat, my voice a whisper.

She asks me a few more questions, and I answer as truthfully as I can. My hands are shaking, my mind feels as if it is ready to overflow. I sit down on a bench, will my beating heart its steady pace.

I felt this episode, knew this one was coming, knew this one wasn't going to be pleasant. My thoughts racing from the time I woke up, an overwhelming sense of urgency to be anything other than what I am. Boredom, mania, spontaneous bursts of happiness followed so closely by an overwhelming sense of dread.

Trying to keep my voice steady, to stop from crying. Switching into auto pilot, answering yes and no.

"Okay," she continues, "I will make a referral for you with a doctor specialising in CBT, he will be in touch within 24 hours to arrange an appointment."

I clench my fists, hold my head in my hands, stare at speckled pavement.

I am vowing to beat this, this time.

Vancouver Vandals


Saturday, September 09, 2006

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Because this little lady is far too tired, and at a complete loss for words after last weekend's move, spending some fabulous time with the gorgeously angelic Miss Devylish, chasing packages of Kraft Dinner across Australia's barren Outback, and organising the Nurse's birthday party (read: consuming far too much champagne) to write you an interesting post.

And there are all sorts of things that have really got my blood boiling at the moment, like this and this.

So instead of entertaining you with stories today, I'm going to listen to this some more and dance around my flat... and wish you all a happy Tuesday.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Esoteric Part IV: Peep Shows and Amaretto Sours

"Lady..." Esoteric stands outside the shop on Granville Street, trying to reason with all my 5ft1 of blonde curly haired pigheadedness "... you really really do not want to go in there..."

"Yes, I do."

I am defiant, amaretto sours and champagne cocktails overriding any rationale I may have once been in possession of. Curiousity has managed to get the best of me.

I want to go in.

I want to see.

"Do you have any change then?" He says wearily. Rummaging through my handbag I triumphantly produce 2 quarters.

"You are going to hate it."

But I have never been inside before, never ventured past those curtains at the back of the shop, have walked down the red light district of Paris. Been intrigued by those flashing neon signs flashing *Peep Show*, the sidewalks illuminated in candidacy.

However in my inebriated mind, the images of mac clad gentlemen rubbing furiously pale in comparison to artfully posed women on velvet furnishings. In my mind, there is a beauty in the act.

I cannot say I wasn't warned. I cannot say that Esoteric didn't give me a graphic description of what I might find back there.

And so it is with an open mind, and alcohol muddled sensibility that we make our way past plastic curtains, into dimly lit corridors and it is less than a minute later we emerge, slightly more traumatised than when we pulled back curtains and briefly stepped into darkened booths, the sounds and smell of desperation surrounding us, channel after channel of androgynous bodies writhing on a tiny television screen.
It took us less than a minute to come to an understanding, stand up and stumble back out into the bright lights of downtown Vancouver in search of something stronger to rid ourselves of those images, that smell, that overwhelming feeling of desperate loneliness.

Friday, September 01, 2006

ladymissmarquise gets rescued by firemen

Now this is a fantasy I have had for some time, as we all know that LMM has a certain weakening of the knees and peculiar feeling in her loins when the subject of firemen come up.

So you would think then, that being rescued by two of Vancouver's finest would leave this little lady breathless with anticipation, swooning with unrequited desire?

Well, erm. No. I'm afraid not.

It all started out fairly innocently enough. I get in the lift, shopping bags laden with wine and other treats as the divine Amelia was en route back from a 3 week holiday in Italy and therefore needed to be greeted accordingly, and as this is one of those new fancy spancy Vancouver buildings where security is as tight as a... well, you understand, there is all that nonsense of the fob. Fob to front door. In. Fob to elevator. Open. Fob to floor number. Up. And so on and so forth.

Except for that small jolt and then shudder.

No big deal, I think.

Followed by an even larger jolt and noisier shudder. Followed by the lift stopping. And no amount of fob to floor number'ing would make that damned lift move.

I remain calm. I am, after all, a Lady.

Press the little *Help* button and calmly and politely tell them where I am and why I am there.

"Okay Miss Marquise, we'll send someone round to come and let you out."

And so I calmly assess the situation, all the while controlling the urge to let that little part of my brain that is slowly but surely freaking the fuck out "Ohmgoodgodwearestuckinalift...andIhaveseenMissionImpossible...
andwemayeithercareentoourdeath...andweonlyjustgotthenewlaptopwelovesomuch
isthispunishmentforlovingthemactoomuch...
orweshallendupcarreeningskywayrsandimpaleourselvesasemilioestevezonthecablesaboveus!!!"
pass over into the dark side.

And so I sit myself down. And as the story gets a bit dull for the next 20 minutes as all I do is sit and text the Nurse, and Gorgeous and Scott (and did any of them so much as send me a text back? Uh. No. ), I shall let the texts tell the story.

Stuck in lift, waiting to be rescued. 8:51pm

Luckily I have beer and wine... 8:54pm

Do you think they will send firemen? 8:56pm

And if so, how many? 8:56pm

Where are the firemen? 9:00pm

I hear people. I may be saved yet! 9:04pm

Bugger. Just someone on a mobile and not firemen. 9:05pm

Get off the phone and rescue me, already! I. AM. STUCK. IN. LIFT! 9:06pm

Oh great, someone else is stuck in the other lift... where are firemen? 9:07pm

At this point, I can hear firemen. I hear firemen above me. Or below me. But they're calling my name. They just can't seem to locate where I am.

"Lady? Can you let us know where you are?"

Erm. IN A LIFT! STUCK!

The lift says 2nd floor.
But I, erm... don't seem to be there. Neither is the lift. There is much confusion.

I wonder if the 2 voices are indeed firemen, remember that little Firemen's calendar shoot Esoteric did. Feel a little peculiar and dizzy.
Glance round to check my hair in the mirror. (I am so vain)

This, however, then proceeds to go on for quite a while.

"Lady? We are coming to get you."

Now they are just fucking with me 9:14pm

And then, the prying open of doors and beaming down at me are the faces of 2 firemen.
Neither look like Esoteric.
Neither are shirtless with only their firepants and suspenders and firemen's hats on. And neither is under 55.

There is no throwing me over their shoulder and carrying me away. No reaching down, wrapping muscular tattoed arms around me and pulling me free.

However, I am eternally grateful to them when one does extend his hand to help me out and I thank him graciously. Smile and giggle a little (Oh for goodness sakes, I have been trapped in a lift for 33 minutes and there are firemen. Firemen!)

And when Amelia makes her way upstairs, mentions the fire truck outside I can only beam.