There was a lady on my train this morning.
Well actually, yes there were a lot of ladies. And alot of men. But there was this one particular lady who I'm going to focus on because the story is about her, so...
...the lady is holding a teddy bear.
As it is I'm not a huge fan of stuffed animals, and stuffed bears are as welcome to my life as an audience with Nick Griffin (exceptions of course to Paddington Bear, he's alright. I also like real bears, although they're not so cuddly. And they smell)
And the bear, I notice, is wearing a little bear bondage kit. And for some reason, unbeknownst to myself or my fellow commuters, the lady is trying to involve all of us into interaction with said S&M bear.
A little like this:
Step 1) Attempt eye contact
Step 2) Wiggle bear's head
Step 3) Attempt eye contact again
and so on.
Now I'm not a morning person on the best of days, and today especially after my alarm didn't go off and I woke up in a panic, desperately trying to get out the door in time, I'm certainly not radiating any Feel the Love energy at all.
And surely there is something not quite right about anyone trying to make eye contact on the 9:50 Thameslink, surely there's some unspoken agreement between commuters - Please don't look at me, I'm reading the newspaper /my book / playing with my mobile / my hands / my shoelace ?!
Then, the strangest thing. As the train pulls into Kings Cross, and she starts to get up, she shoves the bear in my face.
"Check out my website!Bearsex.com*!"
(*Or something along these lines, needless to say I haven't checked it out.
I've been to Prowler, and I've seen those magazines)
Then put the bear in my fellow commuter's face.
"Check out my website!"
I don't know about you, but a strange lady's bear pressed into my face at that time is most offputting.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
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12 comments:
in cases like this, you kind of miss the innocent spammer who would advertise in your comments section, NOT in your face. Ah, those were the days.
That was me. Sorry. You looked like you enjoyed it, though.
Oh thanks Leonie! Sorry if I appeared a bit shocked, I hadn't had any coffee yet.
x
A challenge!
Inspired by Chloe!
I wonder, if you were all to advertise your blogs on a bear, how would you do it? What would your bear be dressed as?
I set you all a challenge. Blog your bear... or, *hee hee* bear your Blog!
Why do things like this just not happen to me on the Thameslink? All I get stuck with is late trains and (last night) a drunken guy in his mid twenties complaining about "your generation" to me (I'm 33...)
I take the Thameslink into London too! The world is getting smaller!
I have not met the bear lady though...
Your wily reverse psychology worked on me. I reluctantly typed the address in and... 'web site not responding' is definitely a good thing - especially before breakfast.
that is an awesome story.
i would dress my teddy bear in black and distribute free cappuccinos to everyone and ask them yo check FROTH on the daydream
I also took Thameslink in up until about two months ago!
My bear would be dressed in a pair of knee-high boots and holding a sign that would say:
"All I have is the Internet and a really nice pair of boots"
I would shove it in the faces of the people on trains with me, saying in a plaintive tone "Love me."
Most of the time I hate that I live in Texas. A state so big that you have to drive at least an hour to get anywhere good. The bear lady reminds me to be thankful that I live in suburban sprawl and get to drive my car to work everyday!!
Ok.. so my bear would have to be in a little devil's outfit.. definitely w/ black boots and still, maybe a halo anyway.. I'm conflicted, so sue me. But weird people are everywhere, aren't they? I mean.. c'mon.. bear sex??!! That's just tmi.
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