Sometimes we twist and turn, take different roads and paths so many times that we get turned around. Can't see where we started, or where we've been. Sometimes we can't see what's ahead of us for all we're worth, can only stand still and stagnant at a crossroad while everything else around us spins.
And sometimes those twists and turns take you down another path, past what wasn't expected, what has been there for so long if only we could listen to truths whispered in the back of our minds.
And then something clicks, when you're curled up beside someone who isn't what you wanted after all, who changed in a heartbeat and a hand brushing you aside felt like a slap in the face. When you're laying there thinking your best line of defence is so rehearsed, that you should never settle, never give up, keep fighting for your beliefs and for your desires. When you realise that you are better than this place, this moment, that there are a million and one more things for you to do and see and that this, this one moment, should no longer define you. When you realise your best advice is the one you keep forgetting.
I used to keep a copy of this on the back of my door. Reading and rereading. Thinking how my own vixen, the elusive Mme Mojo has slowed down, gone outside for a quick fag and a coffee, and how despite my best intentions has not really come back to me in all her glory.
That for my entire life, I had been pressing Fast Forward, had been in a rush to get to the good stuff that I missed out on all that came between.
And something clicked when I realised that the man beside me was no longer that same man that had pursued me, had held me a year ago, and kissed me with promise. That when the playing field changed, so did he with a cold indifference that I knew. He was no longer what I had remembered, was not what I wanted. Had simply become someone who I had so desperately needed to get out of my system so that I could move on.
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3 comments:
We all have our missteps. He obviously was that.. and isn't worth you or your time. And if he's not smart enough to realize that.. you don't need him. Clearly, he can't see what the rest of us do.. he must be impaired and you certainly don't need anyone who's disabled. ;)
xoxox
I really identify with the tone of familiarity in this post. It's a realisation that you know exactly what's happening, and you wish you didn't.
I like what Miss D says about all having our missteps.
Everything that doesn't work brings us closer to something that does. I try to hold on to that idea, not just in terms of love, but in everything.
Thank you lovelies x
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